Boys Should Be Boys- Book Review

Every so often, I read a book that resonates with me so much that I NEED to write about it. The book Boys Should Be Boys by Dr. Meg Meeker caught my eye on the parenting bookshelf at our local library. As a pediatric physical therapist, I am always looking for books on the power of play and movement in the development of children. This book did touch on that- but discussed much, much more. It outlined through a ton of relevant research studies among other experts' opinions what it takes to raise a boy into a man in the modern world.

It starts out with getting outside- all boys should be outside. A lot more. Romping in the dirt, finding bugs, stick fighting, and playing with other boys in imaginative ways. Computer/video games and TV are slowing down our boys and although it makes it easier in some ways on parents, it is detrimental to kids. Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician who writes from years of experience seeing boys from the time they are born to the time they graduate high school. She asserts that although we put a large emphasis on peer pressure, parents can have a much larger influence on their children if they wish. She also discusses peer pressure among adults- to keep up with the parents of peers in signing up kids for sports and lessons and everything that the world has to offer! Although she does stress that participation in a competitive activity is very important for boys, she also mentions that over programming kids takes them away from time with parents and family and takes over their life with things that may not be as important as family time.

I LOVE her chapter on Electronic Matters. Everyone with boys should at least read this chapter. Although my boy is only two, I will refer back to this chapter as he gets older. Basically, graphic violence and sex on TV, video games, and even now on cell phones is terribly damaging to boys. Not only do we need to monitor what our sons are watching by themselves, we need to be careful what we adults are choosing to watch in the presence of our children. She talks about pornography and teen sex. The point is that having sex as a teenager is almost expected now, and most teens find themselves not ready for this emotionally. The media portrays this as normal, and anyone who is not partaking as abnormal. However, later on in the book, she talks about how one of the essential things we need to teach our sons from a young age is self control and respect for others. Boys who learn these virtues will delay having sex until they are emotionally ready (and with some religious training hopefully until marriage!) We need to teach our sons so pop culture and main stream media doesn't do it for us.

I also loved her chapter on mothers. As mothers, we strive to help boys develop their masculinity. We give love and grace. I loved her definition of grace, "Grace is love that is undeserved." As mothers, we will love our sons no matter what. We help sons process emotions. Her section called, "When love comes out sideways" was golden:

"There's an easy way to take some of the pressure (of motherhood) off- and that is to allow both you and your son more time to relax. Some of the most important moments of being a parent consist of just being there for your kids and sharing the most mundane aspects of life with them."

"Most mothers ungulate ceaselessly about their concerns of peer pressure their son experiences. But peer pressure that parents feel affects a boy more significantly than the peer pressure he feels from his contemporaries. Usually the mother is influenced more heavily by peer pressure simply because most women spend more time with other mothers than fathers do with other fathers."

"And one lesson we should all learn is that while mothers want more for their sons, the truth is that sons need less. Boys need fewer toys and fewer clothes. They need more time with their mothers and fathers, less time in structured events, and more time being bored--yes, bored-- so that they can use their imagination and creativity and figure out what to do. Young men need less face-to-screen with electronic life and more time face-to-face with people. Less television, video games, clothes, telephone bills, sports events, and preschool hours mean less stress for mothers and more time for boys to figure out who they are and what they want out of life."

She then discusses the critical role of fathers. Although most boys spend more time with their moms, they idolize their dads and want to grow up to be great like them. She points out that for those growing up without dads in the picture, it is crucial to have another male role model- whether it be grandpa, an uncle, or a coach or mentor. Fathers teach sons self control among other things. The most important thing they can bestow on their son is their blessing- that they are proud of what their son is doing or what he has accomplished. Boys or teens who never feel good enough for their dad and don't ever reach that step always feel like there is something missing from their life.

What I was not expecting from a book by a pediatrician was an entire section about God. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Austin and I are trying our best to teach Landon about God and Jesus Christ. We are teaching him that good actions please God and bad actions (hitting, fighting, etc) displease God. She gives a ton of statistics that basically say that most teens believe in God, and would choose to go to church more often than they do. Parents, by saying "they can choose for themselves," are basically discouraging their kids from being religious. Boys of faith know that their life has a purpose and are less likely to get into drugs and alcohol or get in trouble with the law. Their internal moral code will help them deflect peer pressure and develop self control. As a devout Christian, I know how important God is in my life and the lives of my family and friends, and I was surprised to hear how important this physician thought He was in the development of boys. It was good to hear!

She ends with a list of virtues that we should work to instill in our boys. She invites the reader to step back and imagine the man we want our child to become. Not the external factors, but the internal character. She invites us to teach our sons meekness, humility, courage, integrity, and service to others. I love her quote,  
"Teach your son to cherish the common humanity of everyone he meets, and to always be willing to go the extra yard to help others. None of us is too important to do that."

In the development of character, she stresses that as parents, we compliment and admire our sons' character as well as external achievements. A honest "B" in school is better than an "A" gained by cheating. She says, "Boys want parents to see deeper into their lives. They want their character to be admired more than their performance because they know that their character is who they are; and if their character is solid they will get more satisfaction out of that than anything else.

Ok, I'll leave it at that. Boys are precious gifts and often misunderstood, especially by mothers because we ourselves are not boys. Mothers and fathers are so important to raising boys of character! I love my calling as a mother even as I pull my hair out because my son has climbed on the counter for the 10th time to get a snack he knows he should not eat. Motherhood is a sacred calling and I love when I can learn some new things to help me strive to be a better mother.